I once texted in my besties’ group chat that when it comes to romantic love, I feel like I’m a sixth grader having puppy-love crush with the boy sitting two desks away. That remains true, I think.
I can get very attached or completely detached, and there’s nothing in between. TBH, sometimes I’m afraid of how unhinged I could become. So, I think I’d better leave these poor men alone before I overwhelm them with too much intensity and attention.
Although, sometimes I just wanna send texts like “Hei, jeg er hjemme” or “Dad’s inviting you to dinner this weekend” or “Ntar ingetin aku beli ini ya” or “Wow I ran 7 km in less than an hour, how’s ur day?” or “오빠, 이 귀여운 카페 가보자!” or “Vil du dra på museum i helgen?” or “Damn I love how Paul become a softie boi bcs Jesus taught him” out of nowhere, with no context. I’m a human. But, wondering isn’t the same as being unhappy. It’s not easy to make people understand that, but it’s not their fault either, and it’s not my responsibility to convince them.
Do I still want to be in a relationship and be happy? Yes, but being happy is the point. I won’t fill the empty spaces in someone else’s life, nor will I ask another person to fill my happiness tank. I think this song, ‘Conqueror,’ from my personality twin, AURORA, speaks to me. The entire meaning is irrelevant, but I like these lyrics, specifically for this post:
I’ve been looking for the only one
But you don’t seem to come my way
But I feel alive
________________________
Actually, lately, I become more excited to enter a phase in my life where I’m finding ways to build connections abroad, either through work or education. But really, when I already have The One loving me endlessly and unconditionally, and I can talk to Him just by closing my eyes (or not), I guess that’ll be enough to keep me single and happy for now.
Besides, I just started my cringey fangirl era this year, obsessing over BTS—how could I not feel like a 19-year-old girl?
