I’m so happy to see my friends lately, with the good news they shared. Some of them are getting married, having cute babies, starting businesses they’ve never expected, going on a good trip, meet the love of their life, receiving honorable recognition for their accomplishments, starting their own community, creating music they’ve always wanted to do, or simply (but not simple) thriving in their lives.
I hope I can give you good news like that. I don’t know. My life has been like a broken roller coaster lately. I’ve spent my 2025 with a wave of tears each month. The past year for me was like:
- The year where I cried too hard that I attended my friend’s wedding with puffy eyes.
- A big time where I had to deal with the fact that my family and I departed ways with someone that once was sticking with us almost all the time.
- I missed a lot of occasions, I distanced myself from everything because “I gotta work tomorrow”, sometimes it’s a lie while most of the time that’s true.
- I lost the most beautiful family dog we had since I was in junior high school, just two days before my birthday.
- I got 2 of 6 conditional letters from UK campuses (happy), but got rejected from all 4 scholarships I applied for (sad).
- Going to work felt like I got beaten constantly, every day, on the same spot where I already have bruises. Let alone appreciation, me and my team’s work weren’t even acknowledged (what was the point of doing it all?).
- I eventually got too fed up with that certain toxic-ish work environment and finally decided to resign with no backup job.
- I outgrew the place I used to call home… with nowhere to run into.
- I even had my 2025 top songs mentally draining. It’s basically all the same songs since 2021, but the combo of that 100 songs? Nah, I just can’t stand it for too long.
- Yet, others must’ve been through a lot worse compared to what I had (see? I keep belittling myself here).
I sometimes took an hour in the bathroom just to cry before actually taking a shower at night, I ran to the restroom in the middle of work just to hide myself crying. I often slept late and went to the office with puffy eyes after crying heavily the night before. I cried in the afternoon. I cried on the ride back home. I cried in the middle of the night, where I know that no one will hear or see me crying.
I restrained my emotions so much until I had an angry breakdown. Screaming, thumping the table with both of my fists, crying, shaking, I can’t even recognize what has hit me that night. I thought I was losing myself, but I learned that I just hit my limit. The next few days, I studied that behavior, tried to understand the cause of that sadness, anger, disappointment, and learned how to deal with it. Although, I was still aware of myself when I laughed and found it performative. Now I admit that’s an unnecessary criticism toward myself there.
How About an ‘Okay’ News?
On the other hand, some of my friends apparently felt happy to hear the news that I (finally) have resigned. They… literally congratulated me. So, if you also think that resigning from my workplace is a good news, then you get one right there. If you say that I’m still young and have time to figure it all out, that makes two good news. If you think I at least have got years of experience, that’s three.
If you think I should be thankful that my parents are still healthy and alive, that’s probably four.
Five, if you see all the cries are my journey to “water the garden I accidentally built”.
Then if I’m still willing to pursue scholarship again this year and feeling optimistic to find a job where I can let my creative spirit alive are counted as good news too, those would be six and seven.
Are the Better News Keep Coming…?
TBF IDK. I’m still the same person you know since the last time we met. I can be a little too blunt sometimes, and I know that doesn’t sit well with everyone. But oh well, I’m still learning to be a little wiser here.
I write this part around two months after my last day of not being celebrated at the place I dedicated my life to, for almost 7 years. But TL;DR: I’ve been a lot more productive as an unemployed person, because I can finally start to collect the pieces of my life again. The pieces I shoved into the shelves (literally) because I lacked energy to figure out.
My initial plan was only two. I want to REST (mentally, physically, emotionally) and I want to find my sparks again, before I figure out what I wanna do in this life. The results?
- My skin is healing, a bit more glowing than it ever was.
- I finally get to clean A LOT of things at home and throw away things that don’t bring me joy anymore.
- My favorite music genre expands, from listening to Novo Amor, Sleep Token, Bon Iver, and BMTH to Bad Bunny and BTS. Yes, my life path has been illuminating ✨purple lights✨ since the end of March 2026.
- I found love and excitement in learning a new language… and it’s Korean.
- I finally found the willingness to write again for myself, as well as building this blog.
- I learned that being vulnerable isn’t a weakness, it’s a power not everyone has.
- I was able to stay at my childhood bestie’s house for 3 days. In a row. On a non-holiday weekdays. And we technically live in the same neighborhood.
- I realized that my circle is small, but I can trust them all. I talked a lot more with them. I mean, we don’t even have to meet physically in order to make me talk a lot (s/o to those I spammed with TMI, you’re da ones! 🫶🏼).
- I realized I’m not alone or avoidant or too introverted, I was just in low energy mode. All. The. Time.
- I can interact better with children, I even teach one of them now, like, all my life I was running away from kids. Even for work purposes back in 2018, I literally ran away from interacting with them.
The most important thing is, I realized that God has my back. None of these realizations and reflections would’ve happened without the One Up Above having my back. So, whatever it is that I’m becoming, y’all know who I would be relying myself onto.
Will I Ever Give You Good News Here?
The truth is, I can’t promise you anything. Well, you know, I’m not obligated to anyway, hehe.
But, I’m glad because the initial idea of this blog entry was to let you know that I don’t have good news and that’s ok, but it ended up as a post where I realized that good news wouldn’t always have to be big (although I still wanna have that big, good news).
At least, being able to tick the checklist you made in the to-do list is already something to be thankful for.
At least staying, although it’s heavy, shows that you’re strong and it’s also a good news.
At least, you’re alive, which means your time isn’t up yet.
At least, you can still find some new music or film you’ll love. Keep diggin’~
At least, knowing that you got people cheering you up is already something.
At least, maybe even letting yourself be the person cheering people up and sincerely happy for them is a sign that tells you you’re capable of having a sympathetic joy. And FYI, not everyone can do it.
Nothing is absolute except death, so don’t decide your current situation as your absolute identity… yet. This moment feels permanent, but it actually isn’t, including your happy ones. So, keep finding good news in your everyday life. I’m not saying it’s easy, but it’s not impossible either.
Adios por ahora!
