Earlier last month, I had an interview for a volunteer work at church. I wanted to join their cinematography team basically in any capacity; scriptwriter, DOP, assistant director, producer, actor, boom mic operator, cable holder, anything, you name it.
It was actually my first time interviewing for a creative team like this, especially one related to filmmaking. Of course I took it seriously… maybe just a bit too seriously.
We talked about my experience in this field, joining a cinematography community in college, being involved in short films and video projects in all sorts of roles, from dialogue coach and actor, to director and scriptwriter, and sometimes simply watching my friends work on set. I don’t really see any of these as professional experience, though.
Then we talked about the underlying meaning of Past Lives (2023), the film I chose to do the pre-interview tasks. I think I was also a bit too obsessed with it, as if I was presenting my thesis defense.
Then the three interviewers asked me questions, we discussed why I wanted to join and whether it would be okay for me to take basic filmmaking training (that training was the part that made me excited, TBH). Until we reached the point where one of them humbled me with, “How do you handle overthinking?”
I brought nothing home from that interview, except that one question.
My mind has been at ease since I resigned. I’ve been in the process of recovering from burnout (although I’ll never know if it ever really heals), I’m learning to calm my nerves, getting a better sleep, exercising to ease my neck tension, just doing things to stop me from overthinking. I never said any of these out loud, just doing it, hoping that I’ll feel better.
So, how do I handle overthinking?
My first response to the interviewer was “I usually isolate myself and cry,” because that’s what I remembered doing at work. “And when I feel better after crying, I’ll ask myself why I cried and how I could handle the situation next time without crying.”—honestly, that wasn’t my favorite answer.
So, how do I handle overthinking?
Such a good question when I’ve been trying to run from it for months. It felt like a trauma nudging me again. Something I don’t wanna remember what it felt like.
So, how do I handle overthinking?
I went home, washed my hands and feet, while still thinking how tf did I handle it? I kept trying to find the common thread among the things I did to recover from burnout and tiredness.
So, how do I handle overthinking?
Two days later, I started to piece together my answer to this question: I can finally be at ease, because I’ve learned to let go.
So, how do I handle overthinking?
I separate things that stress me into what I can control and what I can’t. I try to do my best at the things I can control, like my feelings, how I react, and how I perceive myself. And with the part I can’t control, I’m trying to let it go and let God be God.
I think that was it. I was burning out at work, feeling trapped, and God gave me a financial bailout that started to feel like a safety net I never prepared for. I was afraid of anticipating the future, God provided me with hope. Not J-Hope, but just-hope is enough. I found my willingness to dream and have ambition. I started to have the energy to clean up my space at home. I try to find a way back to myself, to the person I believe God wanted me to be when He created me.
At this point, I think it’s not one lesson I’ve learned anymore, more like a few lessons I’ve learned, only from that one question.
The announcement came out a week after that interview.
“We noticed a new sign-in to your Google Account on a Windows device.
If this was you, you don’t need to do anything.
If not, we’ll help you secure your account.”
Oh, sorry. Wrong email.
“Shalom,
We regret to inform you that you did not pass the interview stage.
Thank you for participating in the registration process.
Regards,”
as they put it on the email.
I was disappointed but not surprised. Everyone was surprised that I didn’t get in, especially because it was a volunteer work. So, how do I handle overthinking? It’s probably by letting go of these things I can’t control and maybe do better next time. Or not? IDK, really. Don’t expect me to have the legitimate answer.
How about you, how do you handle overthinking?
