I have never talked about this person a lot in my life. She was the person who taught me about patience. And she walked her talk.
It’s my grandma. I called her Emak. She once lived with grandpa in Surabaya, East Java, when I was a kid. Whenever she visited Jakarta, all of her grandkids would come to my house. We’ll go to a supermarket with the Rp5000 money she gave each of us.
And when she had to go back to Surabaya, I’ll tell her not to wake me up because I don’t wanna cry seeing her leave us. When I was in Primary 3, helping her fold clothes, she asked me something like “Am I gonna die that you have to cry for me whenever I go back to Surabaya?” which then I answered with “It’s sad that we’ll be separated and I don’t know when we’ll meet again.” just a little girl with her little fear of uncertainty.
The Things She Taught Me
I miss her because I’ve realized she played a part in a lot of things I believe in and live by today. She was the person who brought my family to God. IDK what she prayed for, but the prayer I’d had since 5th grade actually came true shortly after she died; both of my parents are going to church with me. It was probably the most precious thing I ever received from her but I never told anyone… at least until now.
She was the person who taught me to pray before bed AND do it while sitting up, not lying down. I told her to just lie down so we can see directly to God, but then she said “No, sit down. That’s not polite.”
We’ve spent a lot of time, especially when I was in primary school to junior high. I saw her fight with Mom, smoke in front of the house, or just wander to her friends’ house. I never really knew whether she liked cooking or it was just a habit, but all I knew was that she loved cooking. She made the best chili shrimp paste (sambal terasi) I’ve ever eaten, I didn’t even like chili sauce back then. She also taught me to buy groceries on my own when we lived in Tanjung Pinang for a month and taught me to cook when I was in 6th grade.
I probably miss the jokes we shared, the way she taught me how to love dogs, and the pixie haircut that sometimes made me tease her because she “looked handsome”, the way she smelled like a mix of menthol, Pierre Cardin deodorant, and cigarettes, and how she asked me to buy cigs (of course).
If we still have her today, I wanna discuss a lot of things with her. I know she won’t have all the answer to my questions, but I wanna know her point of view on life, how can she managed to be that patient and keep being kind to people who treated her badly. What bitterness from life that she went through until she can be in peace with those.
The Woman IDK Enough About
I found an old membership card with her face on it and it somehow reminded me how much I miss her, how none of us ever really talked about her anymore. And it saddened me a little bit, because she was once my favorite person. She taught me how to sew when I was in grade 4 and I loved doing it ever since. I was her only granddaughter, maybe that’s why she shows her feminine side to me. When she was in Jakarta, she’d picked me up from school and bring me to her friend’s hair salon because she had to refresh her pixie cut.
She told me a lot of stories, including the time when I asked her how was her childhood was like. She only had an older brother, they used to sell balloons for two silver coins, or, as she put it, “Balon, balon, sepicis dua perak“. In her youth, she had longer wavy hair with her bangs parted to the right, and she cut it to a pixie style when she felt old, “I want to comb it easier,” she said. And for the rest of her life, I never saw her with long hair.
Walk the Talk, Not Anle Tok de Tok
(pardon the Indonesian inside joke)
When I told you she walked her talk, I wasn’t kidding. IDK if I could ever be that strong. Her husband (my grandpa) betrayed her a lot of times, he cheated on her, he was abusive, he even left her with their 20-days old baby and didn’t come back until the baby was three. I had a talk with her cousin and she told me that she lost her temper when she saw Emak coming to her with bruises. YET, Emak never talked shit about my grandpa and she never resented him. And somehow, knowing what she’d been through made her advice about patience feel different. That’s one of the things I miss about her.
She always said “Saabaaar” (be patient) when I told her stories that made me angry. She even told me to forgive the only man I want dead when I was in primary school, by helping me understand that person’s life. I didn’t understand back then, but as I grew up, I finally did.
Her Last Days
She spent her last days in my home, which actually was her mom’s home. She got stroke, so we rarely talk and our relationship then become a bit bitter, because I had to help Mom carrying her, changing her diapers, and feeding her, until time finally knocks on our door and tell her that it was her time to go.
Unlike the girl in the 3rd grade who cried when her grandma went home, I didn’t cry when she actually went Home, I felt relieved because I know Emak is in a better place and it’s for good. But, the longer I live, the more her “Saabaaar” phrase becomes something that strengthens me in disappointments that I can’t control about someone or something.
Man, I think I’ve shared way toooooo long blog about her here. I hope you don’t mind getting to know my grandma a little through all of this.
Someone I Miss is My Patience Teacher
I wish I knew her younger days, the day she decided to marry Grandpa, the actual reason why she cut her hair off, the jobs or work she had done, and what her dream was when she was selling those balloons. I don’t know much about her, but I truly wish that I could make her proud beyond anything she could ever have dreamed of.
